my last entry before i start intensive mst mugging n proj completion. wun be online at all for the mth of june at least.. *disciplined* anyway, been partying throughout the first wk of the hol.

monday: SPSE AGM

voting took place for certain exco positions.. some roles had contest while others were walkovers.. on the whole, the atmosphere was pretty tense n kinda hostile.. anyway, i hope everything is alright now. no pt making things unpleasant yeah?

aft the meeting, liying (advisor), william (president), jason (secretary) n me (vice-president) stayed behind in the clubhouse to play ridiculous board games, poker cards n read fortune. hehe.. all the head honchos wor~

haha.. tts so random. anyway, we played till late at night before being forced to leave due to rumbling stomachs. liying n me went for dinner/supper at kallang n chatted alot abt online jerks we hv come to noe over the yrs. btw, i dumped nicholas today. rejection feels refreshing for once. wahahaha!!

pretty cakes frm prego tt mommy bought for my breakfast. - a gd day's start -

tuesday: birthday celebrations
celebrated cher's 19th birthday with the girlies at shin kushiya at vivo. as usual, the table was split into the "i-brought-my-bf" n "my-bf-is-not-here" sections. being the only boyfriend-less person present, i sat with the ppl who so kindly uninvited their bfs.

thank goodness wilfred was working so i got to monopolise jj. hehe.. ting said jj n me behaved like lovers. oh wells, we were classmates for 4 yrs n sitting partners for 2 of them. so she can't ps me ba.. =P

jj (on the phone with ting): is joy coming?

me: JIA JIN!!

jj (still on the phone with ting): omg! i heard joy's voice.

ting: -.-

anyway, my phone was miraculously busy throughout dinner.. xueqin, cheeleng, darren, adrian, brendan n william all rang a few times each. so while the "i-brought-my-bf" ppl were busy feeding each other n the "my-bf-is-not-here" ppl were busy smsing their other halves, i cld decently pretend tt i had a significant other too. hehe..

(screams: desperate!)

anyway, our bill nearly totalled $500.. oops. its the fault of the multiple side dishes..

my v expensive salmon don. (i forgot the fancy name..)

my black sesame ice-cream..

jj's green tea mochi ice-cream.. looks mouldy hor? =P

our "designer" wasabi dessert. lol.. looks pretty cool rite? yucks! =P

cher's awesome jap bento set look-a-like bdae cake.. cool ba? fake sushi rolls, agar-agar salmon sashimi n even sponge cake shaped to look like tempura prawns (complete with orange coconut flakes)!!! there is even bread sticks to mimick chopsticks.. *drools*

see, the fake stuff?? even hv artificial wasabi n real seaweed wor~

ahhh, the luxuries of life i can sooo grow accustomed too.

note to self: joy joy better marry rich!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY YANG MEH MEH!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TIFFANY!

wednesday: LTC seminars

reported to sch with william n cheeleng at 8.30am!! explored the new territories of mlt 1, sat through 4 butt-numbing hrs of event mgmt talk before finally breaking for an hr. met up with xq n darren for lunch at foodcourt 2.

declaration of love on the clubhouse board. haha.. coz my dear dear just told me she wrote my name all over her lect notes.. heee.

aft lunch, the talk was slightly more interesting.. 3 hrs of social grace n dining etiquette with an ultra hot lecturer.. she used to be a model n was a first-class cabin air stewardess. dun play-play hor. lol. i bet lots of hearts broke aft she divulged tt she was already married. =P

anyway, LTC means leaders-of-tomorrow n everyone present held top positions in their respective ccas. mayb tts why they r trying so hard to "groom" us.. haha. though the talks were tiring, they were indeed inspiring. every single speaker addressed the 180 of us as 'student leaders of SP's 15,000 strong population'.. though we all noe we r each just normal students, it rocks to hear the directors declare tt we r the ones who hv the power to change n influence. we even had the honour of the principle n deputy principle personally gracing the event. =D

*gloats*

anyway, ended up too tired to study with darren. so so sorry for making u wait frm 8.30am - 5.30pm for nothing. lol. instead, i went to cityhall for cake with cheeleng at TCC. actually, i'm pretty easily satisfied these days. something as simple as a slice of cake can make me smile frm dover to cityhall n frm cityhall to tamp. =D

i'm a happy girl in a nice cafe.. <3

my chocolate devil cake.. sinful sinful.

cheeleng's oreo cheesecake.

thursday: LTC seminars

similar lectures.. only tis time, william didn't come.. so there was no one to make fun of. no one to play with. no one to touch using my ultra cold metal ruler. no one to fall asleep in tt funny way. no one to take photos of when we get bored. no one to wait outside toilets/bring drinks/throw rubbish. hehehe..

as cheeleng mentioned, william was clearly among the more handsome of all the guys present. so having him around did get us some pleasant attn. the power of eye-candy!! lol.

anyway, today was the 'no apologies' wkshop which tried to psycho us to abstain frm sex. basically, its just a talk abt relationships n how fragile/superficial it is at our age. the speaker was funny so i found myself rather receptive to wat he had to preach.. haha.

the talk ended at abt 2pm so cheeleng n i headed to bugis to meet jess n jacelyn for lunch at yoshinoya n to collect the photos i developed for the old birds. there, we spent some time chatting to hx at her pushcart. tt lucky girl is going to japan!! *envious*

aft shopping, i left for yoga. hey, i can't possibly keep eating cake n not exercising rite?

i look slim rite? hehe.. eat so much cake i can still look like tt still ok ba.. bhb.

cheeleng n me bought matching t-shirts frm bossini.

"we r as HOT as hotdogs!" =P

friday: SPSE welcome tea

had coffee bean's mudpie with adrian in the morning. sometimes, i feel really bad to only look for him when i need to feel desirable n ignore him altogether when someone more exciting comes along. i dunno if its unpleasant experiences tt hv resulted in me treating guys shabbily just so as to protect myself frm hurt despite knowing how v wrong tt is.

our phone conversation the night before

adrian: wei, u busy ar?
me: ok lah. i wan cake.

adrian: huh?

me: i bad mood. i wan cake.

adrian: its 2am now leh.. go where get?

me: i dun care. i wan cake! i wan cake! i wan cake!

technically, once i sa jiao, i more than often get my way.. as zest once said: "when u like tt, my heart will melt de." only now, i'm manipulating someone else's heart. call me cold-blooded, call me evil. i am a scorpio.. its in my nature. *pouts*

the morning call

adrian: we go tamp hv cake then i send u to sch.

me: huh?

adrian: if faster, we can watch fantastic 4 also..

me: i dun watch movie with any tom, dick or harry de.

adrian: then we just go eat ur cake lor.

we drove frm hm to century sq where he bought me my warm mudpie (cheeleng: its awesome!). throughout the time we spent together, i totally cold-shoulder him. instead, i rather just stare blankly at tis poster advertising some -insert name- lemon beverage, a macdonald flyer for -insert name- lime flavoured ice-cream.

for some strange reason these few days, i keep seeing -insert name- in menus, flyers, posters, etc. mayb its just me being ultra sensitive to tt wrd now (it is a recognised english lexeme afterall).. either tt, or some superior being up above is cruelly trying to prevent me frm forgetting. *shrugs*

a bored looking adrian. to all u kaypos, saw him le ba.. lol.

as the morning crept towards noon, he timidly interupted my thoughts n suggested we leave for sch. he sent me all the way to SP n sat with me at kfc till xq n darren came. even at kfc, he kept wanting to buy cheese fries/whipped potato for me. lol. i left shortly with xq n darren for lt 6 w/o much of a 2nd glance.

sometimes i question why he still wanna spend time n money entertaining an obviously uninterested me. bringing me out n tolerating my v frequent moodswings when he clearly has zero incentive to do so. actually, for some reason ALOT of guys r surprisingly willing to do tt for me now. "alot" is in comparison to my usual standards lah.. its flattering but intimidating at the same time.. =(

[frm left: jason, darren n liying.]

welcome tea at lt 6.

presentations always freaks me out.. but for some reason, i was sorta high. anyway, i tink the welcome tea was pretty much a success. we sorted the members into sub-coms n intro the exco to all of them.. santoso even came to visit us. *honoured* the clubhouse tour was followed by hx's surprise bdae party at foodcourt 2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

happy 19th birthday darling!!

awww, so sweet..

i only remembered adrian when i was pampering myself with a dashing diva pedicure n strawberry juice. so i replied his sms with, "dun call tonight ba.. will be shopping with my parents till quite late." i noe some ppl will wanna slap me now. but like i cannot force someone to like me, no one can convince me to like him either. so pls dun judge me.

waiting for painted nails to dry can be the most boring thing in the world.. not forgetting the fact tt u dun hv the flexibility to squirm!

i'm not beautiful but i'm not hideously ugly either.. in fact, frm my own super narcissist pt of view, i tink i'm sorta cute.. *pukes* so actually, i dun hv to fear being left on the shelf rite? since guys r supposedly 'visual-inclined' ppl. =X

i had mommy n daddy all to myself for shopping n dinner tt evening.. we checked out boutique stores like Gap n Guess which i wun hv entered w/o their platinium credit cards. whee~

found tis really cool fountain tt looks like suspended crystals at suntec. pretty. =)

saturday: SIFE n farewell bbq

morn was a formal affair with william n guowei at suntec exhibition hall 303. its really cool to be SP's only 3 representatives. we even get personalised landyards n awesome door gifts! n coz the world is so small, i got to meet old frens, aisha n max frm MI (bartley). the CEO of SIFE SINGAPORE even personally intro us to MPs, CEOs n student representatives of other schs. tis is really networking man.. *faints*

me in formal wear.. so cool rite?

i look like some sch teacher rite? hehe..

the spinning thingy reads, "i'm hot"!

[frm left: william, me n guowei.]

but being students, the buffet table was much more tempting as compared to carrying out polite conversations with boring old ppl. not to mention the food was simply heavenly. haha.. n we all got eye-candies to ogle at. william (tp), guowei (nus), mine (smu).. *faints again*

aft the talk, we went down to tamp to meet up with jessica, tianhock, sengwang n candy. carried the groceries to changi beach to meet up with xueqin, darren, jason, liying, richard n thiam hee. feeling really uncomfortable in formal wear, i left for hm. when i returned, zest n santoso hv arrived.

the bbq was ..............................

anyway, i was brave enough to approach him for some solo time. a foolish decision but at least it showed where i stood in his heart now. status changed yeah? anyway, i'm done with initiative. i started smses, phonecalls, meetings n even parties. its time i realised tt it takes two hands to clap. its time i let nature take its course.

i was pleased tt he opened my breezer for me n even warned me abt sand. i was glad tt he appreciated my efforts in planning. but he didn't care when i cut my finger. he didn't move towards me when i walked away. he didn't help me drink the water i was forced to drink. heck, he didn't even give me second glances or toast marshmallows for me. so much frm the person who claimed to adore me the most hur?

but he looks healthy. happy, in fact. n i shld be glad tt at least one of us is living 'singlehood' the way it shld be.

spse's parting gifts to the seniors.. we love n respect u. all the best.

signing off, a smiling joy.

(p/s: blood-red toenails may make me look confident. but it certainly doesn't make me feel self-assured.)

u wun noe wat is lost till its gone. i learnt tis frm experience.. i hv always assumed tt i can hv something/someone for as long as i desire n wat i didn't realise was tt i hv been taking tt all impt something/someone for granted till it gets all sick n tired of me.

there r soo many things i hv yet to say. things which i wanna say frm the bottom of my heart n not coz i'm forced to do so. things which i hv always kept bottled inside. i wanna scream it in ur face n shout it out at the top of my lungs. coz i failed to say it before i let time just slip pass me n i'm faced with the sudden realisation tt it is all too late.

now, all i can do is tink back n relive all the memories. to reminisce n try to rmbr exactly how i felt when tt magical moment happened. how nostalgic... well, tis is life. tis is reality. tis is just basically how things are.

i just wonder.. when i tink of u, am i occupying a part of ur mind too?